Painful Loving

Sometimes (like tooo-day) I feel like I am going to loose my friggin' mind!

How in the world could 4 little people drive one momma to the madness? 

Well... Sadly, it's just way to easy peasy...

It started off with a whole mug of coffee being spilt on our new living room rug. And the engine only picked up steam from there. The kiddos saying "mom, mooom, MOM" like every 2.5 seconds didn't help either. 

And then, Hope finding the toilet for the 3rd time in an hour, because one of the miniatures left the bathroom door open AGAIN was a for sure tipping point. 

But then, the play fighting that seems like such a good/fun/occupying idea at the time ended up (like ALWAYS!) with tears streaming down my 2 boys faces and fingers pointing at the other saying: "He hit me!" Which makes me just want to scream: Isn't that the point of play fighting! And for the record play fighting should really be called make-mom-crazy-fighting, which should never take place in our Boda household even if for a few heavenly minutes it seems like the best game on the planet.

But, I think what really had my mind a fumin' was that I just wanted to get stuff done today and no matter how hard I tried the kids needs interrupted that "stuff" from getting anywhere near being done. 

Honestly, most days my stuff can wait and I am happy to do it in between diaper changes, snacks, meltdowns and the like, but today I really wanted to do my thang. Like for instance, get my house totally set up the way that I want it, pictures hung and all. Sit and drink a cup of coffee for 30 minutes. Okay, okay I know not going to happen for the next seven years, but I would have just settled for a brief 5 minutes of sipping in peace. I really wanted to make a phone call to a friend that I have been dying to touch base with. And, shopping for a new pair of skinny jeans that my wardrobe is so in need of was at the top of the list.    

It's days like today that make me stop and think: Man, this mom vocation thing is really tough. I mean HELLO, a mom is always, always giving of herself entirely for her children, even still my mom does this for her 7 grown children (me included). A mom's job never stops. The times that we can just shut off for a day or even an hour are next to none. And most of us, we do this because we love the heck out of our kids and when it's all said and done there is nothing else in the world that we would rather be doing. 

But sometimes, like today, when I am going through the motions of "doing" just because I have to, the joy of being a mother seems to fade away and it all just becomes a chore. 

In my heart I know that God has entrusted me with the best job on the planet. And as silly as it may sound, He does not want me to peel and slice Isaac's apple just exactly exactly so, simply because I have to. Or to watch Hope toddle around and make sure she doesn't put every inedible thing in her mouth, just because it's my job. But God wants me to choose to do those things with love, out of love and for love. Just like He chooses to watch over me every hour of every day, not because He has to, but because He loves to. 

So, in the midst of the tough calling that God has given me and all of us moms, I know that it is only through the loving that I can even begin to really give of myself. And though the days can sometimes be really hard and bedtime doesn't seem to come soon enough, I do love it, because I love my kids and I love my Jesus. 

Yes, today was a hard day for me and none of my stuffing got done, but I made it and so did all of you!

I am just praying that tomorrow I don't simply go through the motions of being a mother because I have to, but that I love and love hard because I want to.

The Play by Play

I know, I know, no one really cares about me typing my narcissistic minute by minute Midnight to Noon chronicle. But, for some reason I thought this would be fun and help me to justify to myself why I am getting NO packing done and why my house is such a mess!

So here is the play by play.
Ready. Set. Go!

Midnight (last night) - Bed time for me.

12:20am - Wake to the sound of Hope crying. Walk from my bed to our school room (where Hope sleeps in a pack n play) to nurse her.

3:30am - Hear lil' Hopie girl crying again. Stumble my way to the school room to nurse her.

6:30 - Hear da Hopie crying again...Grumble my way to the school room to nurse.

6:40 - Transfer Hope to the pack n' play in our room, put the binky in her little mouth, and back to bed for both of us.

6:50 - I hear the boys out in the living room and roll over in my warm, snug bed.

7:03 - Grace is up and telling me very LOUDLY her desperate need for me to put a bow in her hair.

7:04 - Bow in her hair.  I plop back down in my bed while the kids are talking or playing something in the living room.

7:10 - I roll out of bed to tell Grace to stop yelling.

7:10 and 30 seconds - Back in bed for me.

7:25 - I get dressed to go to the gym and tell the boys to put their shoes on so that they can come with me.

7:30 - Try to explain to Grace that she can't come to the gym because last time she was whining and crying way to much.

7:35 - Still trying to reason with Grace to no avail.

7:40 - Hand Grace to Matt and run out the door with the boys and drive to gym.

8:00 - CrossFit time!

8:15 - After finishing JUST the warm-up, which included an 800m run, I start to think:  I may be in trouble today, because I am already really feeling it.   

8:30 -  I'm thinking: Am I really paying for this type of torture?? But, loving it just the same.

8:45 - Doing post WOD (work out of the day) air squats and shaking.

8:50 - Bam. Done with my workout for the day.

8:51 - Sit on the floor of the gym in a pool of sweat.

8:53 - Allow the boys to do pull-ups on the bar in my gym (they had been begging me all week). They did me proud.

8:57 - Pull through Dunkin Donuts for two medium coffees.

9:03am - Back to the homestead.

9:04- Hand Matt his coffee, change my clothes, and wash my hands, because there is no time for a shower just yet.

9:05 - Nurse the Hopie Hope Hopster.

9:15 - Sit down and gulp 5 awesome sips of coffee, while trying to block out the kids requests
for water, food and seemingly every basic need that they have.

9:20 - I get my booty up off the couch and get the kids water, and put out some fruit and toast.

9:25 - We all watch Hope crawl around and the kids argue over who gets to hold her.

9:30- Isaiah falls into the couch hurting his head and starts crying. I hold my big 6 year old.

9:32 - Kiss Matt goodbye as he leaves, sadly enough, for the funeral of a friend.

9:35 - Change Hope's over loaded pee diaper.

9:37 - Change Grace's diaper and coax her to get her underwear on.

9:40 - Story time with Mom (me). Hip, hip, hooray! The kids bring their blankets and pillows to listen to my grande and magical story telling voice, which half way through Isaac asks: "Why are you talking so weird?"

Warming up for Story Time. 

9:47- Tired of my story telling antics the boys want to dive into their Bob Books and read to me and the girls. We happily oblige and of course love to hear about how "Matt and Sam sat".

10:15- Isaiah calls Grammy to let her know how he read the book As Big As all by himself

10:20- Quick nurse for da Hopie girl and down she goes for her nap.

10:30 - Isaiah plays legos with Grace, while I make a for real breakfast of eggs and bacon.

Notice Grace's outfit change and hair accessories. She's always quite original.

10:40- I scarf down my eggs (because I am super hungry and waited too long to eat) all while still scrambling the kids eggs in the pan.

10:45- Eggs are served for what I should call brunch by now.

10:46 - Grace leads us in a drawn out prayer of "Bless Jesus, Mia, Hopie girl, Zah, and Doggie," which she repeats over and over again until Isaiah finally breaks in and finishes with "Bless our lives".

10:52 - Eggs are all down in the kids bellies.

10:53 - Isaac gets on the toilet.

10:55 - Isaac yells for me to wipe his bottom.

10:57 - Isaiah hops on the toilet.

10:59 - Graces screams she has to go poopie! Thus, Isaiah is made to finish as quickly as possible.

11:00 - Grace plops down on the potty.

11:10 - Grace finally finishes and yells for her treat, which I say she must put her underwear back on before she gets her treat.

11:15 - Grace finally puts her underwear on gets 4 chocolate chips.

11:20 - Boys are in their room playing Bey Blades, while Gracie girl dances around.

11:21 - I start a load of laundry.

11:24 - Hope wakes up!!

11:26 - Another quick Hopie girl nursing session.

11:30 - Grace, Hope and I play doctor, consisting of Grace putting the same play bandaid on us over and over again, while checking our temperature.

11:32 - The boys go outside for a game of tag and cry.

11:42 - Isaiah comes in the house complaining, which is an automatic timeout dis here house.

11:44 - Hope and I play 3 super lame fun games of hide and seek with the other 2, while Zah is in time out.

11:50 - Isaiah comes out of the laundry room (our timeout spot), I kinda forgot about him (whoops!!)

11:53 - We all smash an entire container of grapes in our mouths.

11:58 - The 3 biggers are peacefully playing some sort of "experiment game" in the boys room.

Noon - Hope and I begin to make g-free pasta for lunch.


Now that was fun, wasn't it?!
Nah, not really. Booorrring.
Don't worry, I'll try to never put you through that again.

Ps. When Matt came home around 1ish (1:19 if I was being exact) he asked me: "So what did you all do while I was out." To which I responded: "Nothing really."

Pps. It only took me until 4:30pm to get my shower in. Not too shabby or gross, same diff.

Yes, I am that mom...

... who really enjoyed having all three "big" kids in time out at the same time for 30 whole minutes. Whining is just so last year and I CANT take it anymore.

... who brought all four kids to the dermatologist just to have her 6 year olds wart undergo beetle juice treatment. Well, my husband had to work and a babysitter is just that much more complicated to coordinate at 11am on a Thursday morning.

... that let my 5 year old have pasta and meatballs for breakfast (leftovers from last night). He just kept asking and honestly I really didn't care if he had them. I just wanted him to be quiet for 5 minutes.

... who took her kids to Jimmy Johns and brought her own bag of chips to share between all of them. It's just so much cheaper and I can't stand to spend a dollar for 6 chips.

... that told my son, after he had said my name 100 times in 10 minutes: "If you say my name one more time, you will be in time out for the rest of the day." Okay, so not my best parenting moment, but my head was about to explode from hearing Mooom, mom, moooom. 

... who realized that her 6 month old had been wearing the same zip-up, footy pajama for the last two days, but still said what the hell-- whats's one more night.

Yes, I am that mom.

But they don't seem to be complaining :).