October 4, 2013

Painful Loving

Sometimes (like tooo-day) I feel like I am going to loose my friggin' mind!
How in the world could 4 little people drive one momma to the madness? 
Well... Sadly, it's just way to easy peasy...

It started off with a whole mug of coffee being spilt on our new living room rug. And the engine only picked up steam from there. The kiddos saying "mom, mooom, MOM" like every 2.5 seconds didn't help either. 

And then, Hope finding the toilet for the 3rd time in an hour, because one of the miniatures left the bathroom door open AGAIN was a for sure tipping point. 

But then, the play fighting that seems like such a good/fun/occupying idea at the time ended up (like ALWAYS!) with tears streaming down my 2 boys faces and fingers pointing at the other saying: "He hit me!" Which makes me just want to scream: Isn't that the point of play fighting! And for the record play fighting should really be called make-mom-crazy-fighting, which should never take place in our Boda household even if for a few heavenly minutes it seems like the best game on the planet.

But, I think what really had my mind a fumin' was that I just wanted to get stuff done today and no matter how hard I tried the kids needs interrupted that "stuff" from getting anywhere near being done. 

Honestly, most days my stuff can wait and I am happy to do it in between diaper changes, snacks, meltdowns and the like, but today I really wanted to do my thang. Like for instance, get my house totally set up the way that I want it, pictures hung and all. Sit and drink a cup of coffee for 30 minutes. Okay, okay I know not going to happen for the next seven years, but I would have just settled for a brief 5 minutes of sipping in peace. I really wanted to make a phone call to a friend that I have been dying to touch base with. And, shopping for a new pair of skinny jeans that my wardrobe is so in need of was at the top of the list.    

It's days like today that make me stop and think: Man, this mom vocation thing is really tough. I mean HELLO, a mom is always, always giving of herself entirely for her children, even still my mom does this for her 7 grown children (me included). A mom's job never stops. The times that we can just shut off for a day or even an hour are next to none. And most of us, we do this because we love the heck out of our kids and when it's all said and done there is nothing else in the world that we would rather be doing. 

But sometimes, like today, when I am going through the motions of "doing" just because I have to, the joy of being a mother seems to fade away and it all just becomes a chore. 

In my heart I know that God has entrusted me with the best job on the planet. And as silly as it may sound, He does not want me to peel and slice Isaac's apple just exactly exactly so, simply because I have to. Or to watch Hope toddle around and make sure she doesn't put every inedible thing in her mouth, just because it's my job. But God wants me to choose to do those things with love, out of love and for love. Just like He chooses to watch over me every hour of every day, not because He has to, but because He loves to. 

So, in the midst of the tough calling that God has given me and all of us moms, I know that it is only through the loving that I can even begin to really give of myself. And though the days can sometimes be really hard and bedtime doesn't seem to come soon enough, I do love it, because I love my kids and I love my Jesus. 

Yes, today was a hard day for me and none of my stuffing got done, but I made it and so did all of you!
I am just praying that tomorrow I don't simply go through the motions of being a mother because I have to, but that I love and love hard because I want to.


  1. It's the toughest job on the planet, isn't it? But also the best. I remember those days you're going through, and I'll tell you what my mother-in-law always used to say whenever one or the other of my kids was going through a particularly hard phase: "This too shall pass." And it always did. And now, my five boys (who also used to do that fun fake fighting that always seemed to start with laughter and end with tears) are all grown up (20 to 29) and I lived to tell the tale! Someday you'll actually be able to enjoy a whole cup of coffee in peace, I promise you. In the meantime, you have a great attitude, thinking of your job as a vocation of love. :)

    1. Thank you for this comment and your perspective. I love: "This too shall pass."

  2. Hope today is a better day! I'd have many a days like that, where it is only sheer will and the grit of my teeth that gets me through.

  3. Okay, I was hoping just a teeny tiny bit that in a year or two I might be able to have just 15 min. to drink my coffee in peace, but I guess that's just wishful thinkin'. :)
    I was feeling so frustrated yesterday because of how our job doesn't ever stop, and yet we're supposed to give, give, give. But you're right- it's about choosing love! I needed to read this!

    1. I needed to hear that we are all in the same boat having the same thoughts :)!

  4. It takes great courage, strength, and even heroism to be a mom. It's a constant gift of self, time, and energy. Loving with a mother's heart out of the love we receive from God our Father and from the prayers of Mary our blessed Mother is the goal, as well as shaping hearts, minds, and souls for a new generation - which in the end is a priceless gift not only for your children but for the world / humanity as a whole. I always like what my dad used to say - "Your mom's job is much more important than mine and husbands should tell their wives that more often." Dad often has a simple way of saying things but he is dead on. Thanks to all the moms who love their children thru thick and thin. You are in my prayers - Father Zyg (brother of Kristin - son of Gale our mom and Zig our dad)

    1. Thanks for your comment, Father Zyg! Made my day and calls me on to an even deeper desire to love with the help of Jesus and prayers of Mary.

  5. So well said! Thank you for that challenge to love through the trenches!!

  6. Kristin, I tagged you for a "Scrumptious Blog Award" today. :)


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