December 16, 2013

Sunday- Not So Best

If you make it through to the end of this post, God bless ya, because this is the longest Mass recap that I have ever done...

We in Team Boda land have been on a roll for weeks with good behavior in Church. Each Sunday we have been boppin' to this good, consistent beat of starting Mass in the pew as one big happy family. Hope snuggles/plays with me while I hold her in the sling, Grace is touching my person in some shape or form, and the boys sit nicely next to Matt. This rhythm lasts for the first half of Mass. 

Then at precisely the half way mark of the priest's homily, Hope reaches her max time in the multicolor sling and starts yelping to be released from the cloth. I release her and she lasts about 2 minutes in the pew before she has officially gotten the attention of every person in a 3 pew radius. So, da Hope girl and I whisk to the back of the church (which honestly is just fine by me, because by this time I am in need of a break from the Gracie girl, who has given me zero personal space since stepping through the Church doors). 

At the back of the Church Hope proceeds to wreck all of the "Help Feed the Poor" pamphlets that are neatly stacked on the shelves and by the 100th time of this wrecking, I then sequester her to the greater outdoors.  Due to no cry room, we then spend most of the Eucharistic prayers behind the veil of the wooden doors with the sun beaming down on my free and toddling babe. Even though I am outside during this most Holy time, God gives me the grace to still enter into the beautiful happenings going on inside. 

When I hear the drumming of the communion hymn behind the wood we then sneak back inside to join the rest of our little family, where Grace's "mom radar" immediately goes off and she again attaches herself to my hip as we walk up to receive Jesus. After Communion we all file back into our pew where I pray that Hope contains her singing voice to a reasonable volume, so that we don't have to tap shoulders and squish our way out before the final song. And most of the time we make it!
Well, today our nice lil' beat we had a goin' went straight to the crapper and I almost wound up in the crazy bin. Upon arriving just on time and sliding into our pew, Hope decided to stay in the sling for a mere 2.2 seconds before she literally flipped her way out while singing the freedom reigns song at the top of her baby lungs. At the same time Grace connected herself to me, per usual, and for some ungodly reason kept pushing my dress up and then up again, showing off my spanks to the pews behind us-- which really was just SO not cool. 

Somewhat frustrated now with only 2 minutes into Mass (but trying to keep my mommy smile on), I quickly handed Hope to Matt, instructing him to take her to the back while I handled the rest of the brood alone. Matt left and Grace sat on my lap, wrapping her entire little body completely around me in a hug. Not so bad, I thought, I could certainly handle hugs from my 3 year old throughout the rest of mass. But then the pulling of my dress up and down started happening again. By the tenth time of me scolding Grace and growling at her to NOT touch my dress, I seriously thought I was going to loose my marbles. 

Homily time rolled around and I was done with my 3 year old little chica and took her to Matt, who was in the great outdoors with da Hopie girl listening to a Homily on his iphone by Mr. Scott Hahn. Wait a second, I thought to myself, is that legal to be listening to an iphone while Mass is going on? But, I guess a man has to do what a man has to do with no cry room and no way of hearing anything our dear priest has to say. 

Deep breath by me and back in the Church I go, free of my 1 and 3 year old to sit with my big boys.

Two seconds of peace go by and then Isaac hops on my lap, hiking up my now hated dress that I will NEVER wear to Mass again. Kneeling time comes and Isaac starts messing with my sling and banging the metal rings (loudly) on the pew. After the 3rd time of me glaring at him to stop, he finally does. Seconds later I look over and he is biting and licking the pew as he kneels. Why he thought that would be fun or okay is beyond me, so I whispered: "Really, dude?? That's disgusting and weird and you'd better stop it." He smiled, knowing it indeed was disgusting and weird. 

Then time for communion where Grace comes clomping back into the pew with her fairy, sparkly, pink high heals on. She again attaches herself to me, but I hold my dress down hoping to eliminate scaring the innocent praying people behind us from a not so wanted show. Hope then sees me and literally jumps into my arms, smiling ear to ear.

The kids led the way back from communion where they marched into the wrong pew. Holding up the communion line, they laugh their way laugh back out to the right pew. 

I whisper to Matt, as Hope starts singing the communion hymn (seriously, she loves to sing) that I have had all that I can take for one Holy Mass and that we must leave NOW. He dutifully agrees and we head to the van. 

And like the good and loving mom that I am, I tell the kids: "Isaiah was absolutely perfect during Mass singing and praying to Jesus, so he gets a treat. But Grace and Isaac, you both were berry, berry, VERY bad and get NOTHING." The faucet of tears begins by my 2 hoodlums, which somehow gives me a twinge of satisfaction. Like I said, I am a good and loving mom. 

I hope all of your Sunday Church services went slightly better than mine. I probably should have hit up another Mass for some much needed prayer while Hope went down for a nap, but instead I opted for a nice hour nap while my awesome parents graciously watched the 3 bigger kids and Matt hit the cigar bar for the Browns game. 

PS. My mom just hinted ever so nicely the other night, in not so many words, that maybe I should think about putting some more quality posts out there about things that really matter. 
Maybe that will be my New Years resolution. Maybe...

Worst picture ever taken, but had to show the now hated dress that shall never be worn again to Mass.

A somewhat redeeming lunch after Mass. 
Grace has been waiting 3 weeks to light the pink candle on our Advent wreath. 


  1. You are amazing!
    Sorry about the crazy Mass...
    And will it even help to tell you that I have been there as well?
    Probs not...but I do know how you feel...
    Isn't it the worst when one of your littles is doing something super embarrassing like pulling your blouse down so your bra is visible and you start to sweat bullets and try to decide between letting it go, because who would notice, or actually telling the guilty party to please stop, risking a retaliation or the fact that someone will see the exact moment and tell everyone that you yelled at your kids at Mass?

    Anyway, I'm sure you handled it all with the grace you possess...

    And I always love your posts! : )

  2. Seriously, thank you for writing this post! It was so funny b/c it's SO relatable!! What is it about right after the homily when a switch gets flipped in kids? Our mass experiences the past couple of Sundays have been plain awful w/ our girls, and I am just hoping there's some grace dribbling into my life for the mere fact that I survived. :P
    And ditto what Billie Jo said- you are amazing!

  3. Ok, I'm not looking forward to these days but was cracking up, kind of, just picturing it all.
    I hope the topics of your posts in 2014 stay hilarious and awesome. ;)
    Happy 3rd week of Advent!


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